


it's not Heaven without you

by Serie11



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Angels, Angel Castiel, Angel Dean Winchester, Dean/Cas Secret Santa, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Original Character(s), Some Plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-03
Updated: 2017-01-03
Packaged: 2018-09-14 12:18:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,118
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9181294
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Serie11/pseuds/Serie11
Summary: Dean liked Heaven, most of the time.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [cupidsbow](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cupidsbow/gifts).



> Before we start, I'd just like to say that the angel ranking in this is based off the "classical" Christian view on angels, as seen [here](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christian_angelology), and also the angel ranks from the Violet Eden Chapters. Totally do not need to read to understand this (but you should all read it anyway because it's a Good Series), and here's a rundown for those who aren't familiar, in descending order
> 
> Supreme Hierarchy: Seraphim, Cherubim, Thrones  
> Middle Hierarchy: Dominions, Virtues, Powers  
> Lower Hierarchy: Principalities, Archangels, Angels
> 
> I hope you like this gift, cupidsbow!! I wrote it just for you

Dean liked Heaven, most of the time.

It was calm. There hadn’t been conflict in millennia – the closest thing to fighting that angels ever saw were the rare battles for rank. There was a simplicity in doing what one was made to do; that is, tend to the souls of the humans, and to occasionally charm a miracle in front of them, or bring down a city with a tsunami of wrath. Time moved slowly here, and yet very quickly as well. Dean would look down to Earth, and humans were building, first with rock, then bronze, then steel.

Dean’s role in things was simpler than most angels, so he didn’t have much to do besides meditate and wait for when he would be needed. But even when he concentrated as much as he could, he couldn’t stay under, waiting, forever. He needed little breaks sometimes. Like now.

His power under wraps so he appeared more like a Principality than his true rank, Dean ghosted around his brothers and sisters, making sure that there was peace. A Dominion looked down on him, and Dean ducked his head, unwilling to be recognised. He was looking for someone, and until he found him, he wasn’t going to be stopped by a Dominion looking to ruffle some feathers.

Edging into one of the garrisons posed to look out over Earth, Dean ignored the curious looks of the Angels who didn’t normally see anyone ranked higher than their commander, who was an Archangel. It was also who Dean was searching for, so he brushed off their attention. They politely looked away, and Dean hurried on. It probably wouldn’t be long before his Seraphim friend, Sophia, came looking for him, and he’d managed to keep his trips down to the lower garrisons a secret until now.

In the command sector, Dean found Castiel, the Archangel he’d been looking for. Castiel looked up, surprised, but that quickly turned into a pleased expression.

“Dean. I’m glad to see you,” Castiel said, his wings ruffling. Dean let two of his own respond in greeting, awkwardly holding his other four hidden. Castiel didn’t know his true rank. No one who knew him only as ‘Dean’ did. His extra wings would be a giveaway – a Principality only had two, same as Angels and Archangels, the lowest three ranks.

“I am too,” Dean replied. “Have you got some time to yourself?”

Castiel looked down at the maps hovering quietly in front of him, and dismissed them with a wave. “Yes, although I’m not sure how you do. The Powers are disquieted over something, and they’re pushing us hard, but not as hard as they’re pushing the Principalities.”

Dean hummed, not answering. He didn’t keep track of the minutiae of what happened in the angelic realm, but asking about something that he obviously should be knowledgeable about wouldn’t be wise. The Powers were a rank above the Principalities, but because they belonged to the Middle Hierarchy instead of the Lower Hierarchy, they threw about their weight as if it was more than one rank.

Castiel led him out of another entrance, and Dean followed him as they glided down to the lowest angelic sphere. From here, they could see Earth most of the time.

Castiel pointed out his favourite new inventions, while Dean tried to adjust to the large difference compared to the last time they’d been here. It’d only been… what, two hundred years? But now the humans had towers as tall as mountains, and were flying nearly as well as the angels did. Strange.

“They’ve come a long way, haven’t they?” Dean mused, more to himself than anything, thinking about the Garden, when humans were as immortal as angels.

“They do like making new things,” Castiel said. Dean happily followed him as they flew around Earth, never touching but almost seeing.

They’d met like this, a long time ago. Dean had ducked out of his duties while Castiel had been leading a few new Angels to introduce them to Earth and the humans. Dean had watched from the side, and then introduced himself when the new Angels had left. They’d talked for a long time, until Castiel had been called away to his duties. Dean had been coming down here when he could ever since.

When they eventually made their way back up to Castiel’s garrison, Dean heard a strange sound – yelling. Castiel looked worried, and Dean followed him to the sound, huddling down further in his cowl, not willing to draw any attention to himself.

Dean shuffled between a few Angels, and got a good view of what was happening.

An Angel was facing off against someone who Dean recognised as Castiel’s second in command. Castiel stood by his second’s side, and loomed over the other Angel, the rank difference between them obvious.

“What is happening?” Castiel asked, curt. “We have the deadline set by the Principalities coming soon. Why is there dissent?”

Dean shivered. There was something off about the other Angel. Something wrong.

The Angel raised her head. “I challenge you.”

A ripple went through the gathered angels, and they stepped back to give Castiel, his second, and the challenger room for the challenge. Castiel sent away his second, and then stood facing the Angel, impassive.

Dean couldn’t take his eyes off the Angel. He was sure that Castiel could win – the power difference between an Angel and an Archangel was one of the hardest to jump – but there was something about the Angel that made his feathers crawl. If he wasn’t supposed to be incognito, he would have destroyed her by now. She was _wrong_ , in a way that made Dean deeply uncomfortable. He looked at the other angels around him, but they didn’t seem to feel anything strange.

Castiel waited while the challenger drew her blade, then her power. It gathered around her as she prepared to make the jump to archangel rank in order to challenge Castiel for his position. The more power she drew, the more uneasy Dean became. It was the power that was unsettling him.

Her power sparked, and she grew taller as she became an Archangel, absorbing all the power she could hold to keep her at that rank. Castiel scowled, and his hand brushed the insignificant looking necklace around his neck, that allowed him to hold the power to stay an Archangel. It was what the challenger wanted.

They drew their blades, and jumped at each other. Dean started pacing, unnerved at the power the now Archangel was pulling, knowing intuitively that it shouldn’t exist. But no one could interrupt a challenge once accepted, and Dean feared to leave, as if the outcome would be changed if he took his eyes off Castiel for a second.

As they fought, Dean scrutinised them both – Castiel was fast, efficient and deadly. Dean could understand why he’d been dismissive of the challenge. But the challenger had that squirming power… Dean didn’t like it. At all.

A touch at the back of his awareness meant that Dean knew that Sophia would be looking for him. This was normally when he would leave, fleeing the area to lead her astray from his true destination. But with this fight, he couldn’t. Dean braced himself, and Sophia landed at his side, appearing in her dazzling glory. A Seraphim, Sophia was ranked the highest in the Supreme Hierarchy, and even among just the Seraphim, she was powerful. It also meant she couldn’t hide her power the way Dean could.

Dean pulled her under his cowl, but the Angels around them had already seen her. Confused, they milled around, stuck between the now small Seraphim, and the fight they had gathered to witness.

Dean couldn’t even rustle up any annoyance for her interruption. He only looked at the challenger and her wrong power.

“Do you feel it?” Dean asked Sophia urgently. “The challenger’s power.”

Sophia was annoyed enough for both of them. “You have duties, Mi –”

“Can you feel it?” Dean asked again, almost snarling as he cut her off.

Sophia rustled her wings impatiently as she focused on the challenger. Dean felt her annoyance change to confusion.

“I feel... something,” she said, unsettled. “I don’t like it. Is this where you’ve been going?”

Dean didn’t answer her, biting back his urge to break the challenge circle and rip Castiel away from the threat. Castiel flew at her, and in an impressive show of swordsmanship, disarmed the challenger, flicking her blade out of the circle. Dean yanked Sophia with him as he chased the sparkling fall of the blade, but when he reached it, it had already disappeared. Sophia was looking more and more uneasy, and Dean knew his own face was grave.

“Concede,” Castiel ordered flatly, his blade pointed at his challenger.

The challenger puffed her feathers, and Dean shuddered as another wave of her power made it out of the circle. The Angels around them scattered, finally feeling how _wrong_ her power was. Castiel flinched, but still dodged as she flew at him, armed with nothing but herself and her power.

Dean felt like he was drowning in it. Sophia said something as he fell to his knees, but he couldn’t hear her, everything fading out around him. Castiel was yelling something as well, and all the other angels had fled, and Dean couldn’t feel anything, could only feel the _wrongness_ of the challenger. His wings beat, going nowhere in their attempt to flee anywhere.

They were the only angels around, and as Castiel put his blade through the challenger’s grace, Dean let go of the hard knot of power inside him. He trusted Castiel and Sophia. His other wings snapped out, and Dean fought with the slippery, disgusting power as it swirled around them. His own power quailed from it, but Dean didn’t let that stop him from chasing it away. His last sight before he slipped into stasis was Castiel’s shocked face, and Sophia’s gold wings, shielding him from harm.

 

* * *

 

Consciousness eluded him.

Dean sought it with a single minded intensity, but just as he thought it was near, it avoided him again, leaving him muddled. He could feel Sophia somewhere near, and Castiel as well, but he could only strain himself enough to hear a few of their words before collapsing back within himself, exhausted.

Again and again, he put himself on the trail, but his wings didn’t work and his power was slipperier than his goal. When he found himself alone, again, he sat, frustrated with himself, and listened.

Stasis was usually a dangerous time for angels, since their conscious control over their power was often the only thing keeping it to them. Dean was different – his power wasn’t something that could be ripped away from him so easily. Stasis was dangerous to him for another reason – it was here that his Father most often contacted him.

Sure enough, almost as soon as he’d quieted himself, He appeared in front of him. Dean bowed his head, not knowing what to expect. He’d been in stasis for the last few thousand years, and when he’d left, that was when his Father wanted to talk to him? He felt a flare of anger before he could cut it away from him, but his Father only chuckled.

“Hush. I would have come to you before now, but I didn’t realise they were moving so quickly.”

Dean felt His hand on his head, and basked in His presence. “Father, I –”

“Hush,” He said again. “I know. I have a task for you. Find the source of the Angel’s power, and destroy it. It is not something welcome in Heaven, and while I dislike it, it still has its place on Earth. But not here. Do you understand?”

He didn’t, but Dean knew that his Father would only give him more information if he couldn’t figure it out by himself. “Yes,” Dean said instead.

“Good. And about the Archangel.” Dean sat, waiting His judgement on his relationship with Castiel, wings nervously flexing. “Well, you could do much worse. He can make the jump, if he wishes. But if you want to be with him, you know what must happen. The first layer of deceit has already been stripped away. Better had it never existed in the first place.”

Dean cringed under the rebuke, but didn’t defend himself. His Father already knew what he was thinking, after all.

“Go, now,” his Father said, and faded from Dean’s awareness. As soon as he had, Dean found himself in a secluded cloud grove, Sophia and Castiel nearby, the silence between them chilly.

He shook himself, and both of them came to his side, although there was still a frosty distance between them.

“Are you injured?” Sophia asked, hiding her worry under a wrathful expression. Castiel deferred to her, as per her station, but Dean could tell that he disliked it. But he’d brought them here, to his niche cloud grove that was all his own. Perhaps they still had a chance, after all.

“I’m fine,” Dean told them. It didn’t stop their hovering. “What happened?”

“I defeated the challenger, and you collapsed into stasis. The Seraphim ordered me to take you somewhere secluded where we wouldn’t be interrupted.” Castiel’s voice was cold, and Dean’s wings flexed uneasily.

“Did you kill her?” Dean asked. The question was important.

“Yes,” Castiel said. “I ordered her to surrender but she refused.”

There went their one lead. “Sophia, I need you to find out where the Angel came from. Her garrison, her commander, what her role was. Try not to make too much noise.”

“If I investigate anything it will make too much noise,” Sophia said, her voice almost as frosty as Castiel’s. “Seraphim don’t look into the deaths of Angels.” She shot a nasty glare at Castiel.

Castiel raised his chin. “I can ask Uriel to do it. He will find out where she came from soon enough.”

“Please,” Dean asked. Castiel looked at Sophia, but then left, without nodding to either of them. Dean winced. He was angry.

“I have no idea why you started this charade, but it ends now,” Sophia said, voice fierce. “How am I meant to protect you when I don’t know where you are?”

Dean stood up, shook his wings out and noted their new glow, fresh from contact with his Father. Sophia didn’t miss it either, but she shot him a sharp look, nothing else. She wouldn’t ask about it, but she’d been reminded of her place. She might be of the highest rank within the Angelic Hierarchy, but he was outside it.

“We need to go back to our sphere,” Dean said, stretching his wings. Sophia happily complied, and together they passed through to the second highest sphere of Heaven, where Dean normally resided.

Outside his part of the sphere, Sophia’s bond mate stood, guarding the way. Charlie greeted them both, bowing her head to him and reaching a wing out to Sophia. The two of them had been together for as long as Dean remembered, but he knew that Charlie had fought her way up through the ranks to stand at Sophia’s side. She hadn’t started as a Seraphim like Sophia had. The proof was in the numerous necklaces that hung around her neck.

“Charlie, come with me. Sophia, stay here.”

In his sphere, Dean couldn’t hide his true form, and the Seraphim obeyed his orders without questioning them. Charlie followed him as he went to someone who he thought might have the answers to some of his questions.

Raziel didn’t have any guards to his home. He didn’t need them. The thick ward around it kept nearly everyone out. Dean could walk through it easily if he wanted to, but it was rude to make a show of power like that if you didn’t have a reason, so Dean had Charlie knock and then waited.

There weren’t very many angels of Dean’s rank. They were the ones who their Father had touched with his power. Dean had ongoing boosts whenever he saw Him, but many of the other angels had only been touched once. Raziel was below him in power, but not by much. He was the knowledge keeper of Heaven, and if anyone knew anything about what had just happened, it would be him.

The ward in front of them fell, and Dean walked inside, Charlie close to his heels. They made their way through the sprawling library inside, shelves groaning under the weight of the books on them.

Raziel was in his favourite place, the heart of the library. Books were piled around him, some written in languages that even Dean didn’t know. He looked up as they approached, but didn’t close his book.

“Your diminutive form?” Raziel asked, amused. Dean shrugged a shoulder. He didn’t need to be in his major form now. The only thing that it wanted was battle, and there wasn’t a need to fight, not yet.

“I need to know something,” Dean started.

“Well you’re in the right place. What’s going on?”

If it was possible, Raziel left this sphere even less than Dean did. He listened to Dean’s report silently, but started wandering around the library half way through it. Dean followed him as Raziel searched for the book he wanted.

Finally, he took a book off a shelf. “I think this might be what you described,” he said, and passed it to Dean.

Dean started reading from the point that Raziel was looking at.

 _An Angel spy_  
_Can only be seen through lie_  
_Seethes resentment_  
_Seeks contentment_  
_Was turned by grief_  
_Is disbelief_

Dean shuddered. _Disbelief._ No wonder the Angel had felt _wrong._

“This is very serious,” Raziel stated, looking at the verse. “Normally disbelieving angels Fall, but if they choose not to…”

Dean could imagine it. Angels who weren’t bound by their mission, who had turned their backs on Heaven but still resided there, ready to strike poison into its heart.

“But it’s not possible,” Dean argued. “Faith is how angels jump ranks in challenges. And she did jump a rank. I felt it. If she didn’t believe, then she couldn’t have done it.”

Raziel pondered this for a few seconds. “You know, there is more than one type of faith.”

Unease curled inside him. “You don’t mean that –” Dean cut himself off, not even wishing to think of such a possibility.

Raziel’s whole being was weighty. “I think I might. An Angel runs on their own power, after all. We cheat the system by taking from our Father, but the others only have their faith. It needn’t be the same faith as us. Any will do. I’ve never seen it before, but it’s possible. You said her power felt wrong. That’s why.”

“Well, what did she have faith in, then?” Dean asked. Both of them thought about it. Raziel rustled his wings and sighed.

“I don’t know, brother. But I think you should find out, and soon. If she had enough faith to jump a rank, then this is serious. You spend more time than I do in the lower spheres. Move quickly, before anything else like this happens.”

Dean looked at the rhyme one more time before turning and leaving the library. He had work to do.

 

* * *

 

Cowled again, Dean made his way down to the sphere where it had all happened. He’d left Sophia to guard his door, so Charlie was trailing along behind him. She was less experienced than Sophia, but she cared for him as much as her bond mate did. It just meant that Charlie was less likely to ask him to do anything. Dean sometimes wondered if Sophia pushed that line too much.

Dean reached out until he felt Castiel’s grace, and then swept towards it, thinking over what he was going to say to the Archangel. Castiel wasn’t going to be happy with him. It wasn’t normal, and Dean disliked it. He was going to have to try and fix it as soon as he could.

Castiel was with his second, so Dean landed a bit away from them, confident that Castiel would see him and know who he was. Their eyes met across the distance, but Castiel looked away almost as soon as they had. Dean hummed, his grace twisting. His Father had been right. Better the lie between them had never existed at all.

Dean looked around while they waited. He’d spent some time cloaking Charlie, so she just looked like an Archangel to his Principality. They wouldn’t look too out of place here, the border between one sphere and the next.

After a wait, Castiel dismissed his second and made his way towards Dean. Dean forcibly calmed his grace, which was roiling at the thought of being separate from Castiel, but didn’t try to hide his power any more than he had to. Castiel knew what rank he was. The time for that was over.

Castiel didn’t say anything when he reached them, merely bowing his head like Dean were any other superior.

“Castiel,” Dean said, trying not to let his hurt show in his voice. Castiel had never treated him like a superior, not since the first time they’d met.

“I wouldn’t know what to call you,” Castiel said, and Dean would have needed to be oblivious to not hear the hurt and anger in his voice. Charlie winced slightly but didn’t interrupt like Sophia would.

“Dean is what you’ve called me for the time you’ve known me. Dean will do.”

“But it’s not your true name.” The anger was leaking out of his voice, leaving only hurt that Castiel was struggling to hide.

“Castiel, please, I never meant to lie to you,” Dean said, half begging. “I only wanted peace for myself, and by the time we’d gotten to know each other better, I didn’t want to risk what we had by revealing myself to you, especially since I’m not really _him,_ not in this form.”

“But you still are him.” Castiel’s voice was stiff. “And we can’t… Our ranks are so different,” he finally said. “You made me…” He shook his head, looking away from Dean as if he could deny what was in front of him. “Uriel found out where my challenger came from. She was one of the lower ranking Angels in this garrison, charged with overseeing the border between spheres here.”

Dean didn’t want to talk about the Angel. He wanted to talk about them, about where they’d go from here, but he was conscious of Charlie’s presence.

“Her name was Joeliel, and she’s been an Angel since the Beginning. Had seemed fine before last week, when she disappeared. Her garrison commander thought that we had seen her, so he’d been happy enough to tell me everything about her. I think that what you’ll want to find out is where she went this last week. I’m going back to my garrison.”

“Wait!” Dean called, before Castiel could get more than a step away. “She went after you. It could be a coincidence, but your garrison isn’t close, and it doesn’t make any sense that she’d challenge you. Why not come back here to her garrison where a jump wouldn’t be noticed? You might be a target for something else. You should come with us.”

He’d framed it as logically as he could, and he hadn’t made it an order. He didn’t want to use his rank to push Castiel around, not now, or ever. Castiel was thinking it over, and Dean kept up their eye contact, refusing to let him avoid it.

“Then I have to go back, and warn my garrison. They won’t know to look for any threats unless I tell them to.”

Dean shook his head. “She was after your amulet. You’re the only Archangel in your garrison, aren’t you?”

Castiel shook his head slowly. “No, Uriel is as well, but he’s a natural Archangel. He doesn’t need an amulet.”

“Exactly. She was trying to provoke a fight with Uriel until we appeared, and when she saw you, the first and only thing she did was challenge you. She wanted an amulet. If you go back to the garrison, then you’re just going to be a target.”

“I beat her, I can beat whoever else shows up. You don’t have any proof that this is what’s happening. You just want me to stay here.”

Dean bit back a response, his grace churning and making it hard for him to think straight. “Castiel. She went after you. I don’t know if it was for a reason, or if it coincidence, but right now you’re the only lead we’ve got. If you stay with us as we investigate, it might make things easier for us.” _And stop anyone from challenging you where I can’t see them._

Castiel didn’t look happy, but he nodded once. Dean relaxed, and settled his feathers from where they’d been beginning to stand up in irritation.

“Alright,” Dean said. “Castiel, this is Charlie. She’s my second, ranked Seraphim. Charlie, this is Castiel, ranked Archangel. Charlie’s ability is seeing lies. I was hoping she might be able to track your challenger.”

Castiel nodded sharply again, and stepped out of the way as Dean made his way towards Joeliel’s garrison. He didn’t fall in step with them, instead hanging back. It grated, but Dean let it be. He was still understandably upset, and Dean had just manoeuvred him into staying when he’d obviously have rather left.

Inside, Dean looked around while Charlie started moving around. In Heaven, you didn’t track by scent or actual tracks – there wasn’t actually anything solid here. You had to track by intention and other insubstantial ways, like Charlie’s lie sensor. If anyone had lied in here, Charlie would know about it. It was just as well that angels were typically truthful beings.

Castiel came to stand next to Dean as they watched Charlie. He was still radiating cold, and Dean wasn’t sure what to do about it. He thought that Castiel might forgive him in time, but he didn’t want to wait. They’d never really had an argument before, and now Dean wondered how much that was due to Dean’s insistence that he be what Castiel wanted to see.

“I’m sorry,” Dean tried to start, but Castiel cut him off with a sharp glance, eyes filled with anger. Dean subsided, but he wasn’t going to leave it alone. “Castiel, I didn’t mean –”

“Stop it!” Castiel snarled, quietly so that Charlie wouldn’t hear. “I don’t want to hear anything from you!”

Dean chewed on his words as Charlie canvased the room.

“Well I want you to hear what I’m saying.” Dean said, voice low and unyielding. “Castiel, listen to me.” This time it was an order, and Castiel bristled at it, feathers flaring. “I am sorry for deceiving you. I didn’t mean to cause you any harm. My disguise is there so that I can get away from the expectations of the other higher angels. By the time I realised that I wanted you to know who I truly was, you only knew me like this, and I was afraid that you wouldn’t want to have anything to do with me if you knew who I really was, and it wasn’t that much of a lie, anyway – like this, I am less powerful, and I’m not my major form. I understand that you feel betrayed, and I did lie to you. It was wrong, and I regret it, but I did it. You know the truth now, so I want to know what else you need to forgive me. You have the truth, and you have my apology, as sincere as I can make it.”

Castiel swallowed, and his wings folded flat to his back again, submissive. Dean waited for an answer, letting the silence between them build.

“I think she went this way!”

Dean closed his eyes for a second to contain his grace, which was threatening to explode and push him into his major form. Control. Calm.

When he opened his eyes Castiel was half way across the room, following Charlie out another door. Dean followed them, trying not to leak grace with his every step.

Charlie led them out of the garrison and towards the border, which didn’t surprise Dean. They crossed into the next sphere down, and Charlie paused for a few seconds while straining after the trail again.

They crossed another two spheres before entering the lowest sphere. Dean looked down on the hazy Earth, and then Castiel, and wondered if they would ever look at it again with curiosity and marvel at it together ever again.

“The trail ends here.” Charlie looked at Dean, and he grimaced – if it ended here, then it meant that their quarry had gone down to Earth.

“I can’t go down there,” Dean said, looking at the other two. “Charlie, do you have a vessel that you could use?”

“Yeah, a few. I’ll see if I can follow the track. It gets a lot harder down there.”

She disappeared, and Dean was left with only Castiel for company. “The trail comes back here,” Dean said. “She’ll come back up eventually.”

“I’ll go down with her,” Castiel said, still not looking at him.

Dean felt the urge to shake him. “You can’t. Charlie can go, since she answers to no one but me, but if you head down, there’s going to be questions from the other angels. You’d have to answer them, and we’re trying to keep this quiet.” Dean looked around, but there weren’t any other angels nearby.

For a second, Dean was sure that Castiel was going to go anyway, but then he shrugged and half turned away. “Well, what’s the next step then?”

“We wait for her to report. Charlie will find where Joeliel went.” Dean weighted up his words, then threw them out there. “You could tell me what you were thinking about before.”

Castiel hunched his wings up, half hiding behind them. “Does it matter?”

“It matters to me,” Dean said, sinking enough truth behind them that Castiel flinched slightly.

Dean could afford to wait, so he let Castiel sort his words out. Angels didn’t experience as many emotions as humans, but when they did feel, they felt deeply. It was why Sophia was so protective of him and why Dean had to keep his major form locked away, for the good of Earth and all the other angels.

“I was happy with my rank. Am happy.” Castiel wasn’t looking at him, but as long as he was talking, Dean didn’t mind. “But before I knew, I thought, well, one rank isn’t too much to jump. I could do it.”

Dean’s grace stalled and he had to kick it into starting up again. He had never worn an amulet, so Castiel must have assumed that he was naturally a Principality. And jumping a rank meant an angel wanted one of two things – either to gain more power or a better station, or because they wanted to bond with an angel of a higher rank.

You bonded within your rank. Dean had never wanted to see an exception to that rule, let alone be it. But even if another angel was promoted to his rank, he only wanted Castiel, and Castiel was an Archangel. That meant he had seven ranks to jump, just to get to Seraphim. Two Hierarchy jumps, as well. Dean had never heard it to happen before. Especially since Castiel was naturally an Angel, as the amulet around his neck attested to. Going from Angel to Seraphim… Dean couldn’t comprehend such a rise in rank.

And even if after all that, Castiel made it to Seraphim, Dean was still above the Seraphs. The only way to be promoted to his rank was to be chosen by their Father. Dean knew that there was one of his rank that had once been an Angel – his name was Joshua, and he had tended to their Father’s garden. But their Father hadn’t chosen an angel to rise to Dean’s rank since before – before the Morning Star’s Fall. Dean didn’t even know if it was possible anymore. That was the one truth that that all angels knew above all else – balance had to be maintained. If their Father promoted an angel, then the Morning Star would likely be able to promote one of his demons as well. And higher demons caused havoc on Earth. Dean wouldn’t wish another one into existence for anything. Not even for Castiel.

“I thought that maybe we could have a chance. You seemed interested. You kept coming back, after all. And I thought that it might be where it was going. But now I see I was just being foolish. There can never be anything between us.” Castiel’s hurt was clear, and Dean saw the real cause of it now – wasted hope, hope crushed under something that Castiel couldn’t control. All Castiel saw was Dean’s implied rejection of him. No wonder he was upset.

_He can make the jump, if he wishes._

His Father’s words echoed in his head, and Dean considered them for a long moment. There was a reason that angels ran on faith – it was a powerful force, one that could rarely be challenged. Dean ran on something else – certainty. It was a different type of power, one outside the normal Hierarchy of angels, and it gave him a different perspective than most angels who had never seen or felt their Father. Dean didn’t need any amulets, because his faith was unwavering. He had _proof._

But giving that proof to another angel might not be the best thing for them. Running on certainty when one was designed to run on faith was like feeding petrol into a diesel engine. Things just didn’t work out well for anyone involved.

“I believe you can do it,” Dean said into the silence between them. Castiel startled. Dean examined his words. His Father had said that Castiel was capable of it, but did Dean believe it? Dean looked at Castiel, and a small smile twitched at the corner of his mouth. If anyone could achieve the unachievable, it would be Castiel, if only through pure stubbornness.

“What?” Castiel asked, shocked.

“I believe you can jump ranks to Seraphim. I know you. You can do it.” Dean shuffled his wings, wondering if what he was going to say next was wise. “You have my faith.”

Castiel’s grace churned, and the Archangel looked like he was going to fall over. To have the faith of one of the Sole was no small thing.

Castiel paced, agitated, and Dean let him, knowing that this was a big decision. It wasn’t something that Dean wanted to influence, at all. It should be Castiel’s own, pure choice, if he wanted to do this.

“Dean, I…” Castiel looked down at Earth. “I don’t know if it’s possible,” he finally admitted. “And even if I did make it to Seraphim rank, I still wouldn’t be your rank.”

“Hush,” Dean quieted him, going to stand in front of him so he could lay a finger over Castiel’s lips. “We can deal with that when we get to it.” Castiel still looked unsure. Dean fluffed his wings a bit, knowing that if he managed to set Castiel’s wings on this path, Castiel wouldn’t stop until he’d succeeded. “Castiel. I didn’t intend to get this close to you. When I came down in this form, all I wanted was a bit of peace for myself. But you managed to make me want more.” Castiel was staring at him, hungrily eating up his words. Angels didn’t admit to _wanting_. That was for humans. _Wanting_ meant that you weren’t satisfied with what you had, and angels that admitted that weren’t trusted very much. It was an angel’s duty to be content, to be satisfied – but Dean _wasn’t._ He wanted Castiel.

“I want you to be my bond mate. I want it so much that my grace trembles when I think that it might not happen. But it’s your choice, and your decision. You are the one who is going to be jumping all those ranks, not me. If you don’t want to do it, I understand.”

Castiel leaned into Dean’s chest, and Dean resisted the urge to let his grace spark out and _take_ , instead gingerly wrapping one wing around him. Castiel jumped slightly, but then reciprocated, folding one wing around Dean.

“Very well. I suppose I’m just going to have to figure out how to jump seven ranks,” Castiel mused, and Dean’s breath caught in his throat. If it meant that there was even a chance of Castiel bonding with him, Dean was willing to go all out.

Silently, he sent up a prayer of thanks, and wrapped his wing around Castiel tighter. They might have a faithless Angel to track, but for now, Dean could only think about the angel in his arms.

 

* * *

 

Dean and Castiel went back to Castiel’s garrison, where Castiel warned them of a threat, and told them that he would be gone for a while, dealing with it. His second, Uriel, demanded to come with him, but Castiel gently refused, saying that the order came from higher than any of them, and that he needed to go alone. Technically it was true, but Dean didn’t like having his words twisted like that, even by Castiel. Maybe especially by Castiel.

Dean went back and made the order official, trailing it through his most secure pathway to the lower ranks so he was sure that no one would know the order came from him. He tried to search out if there was any other information, and found another challenger who had also scattered the other angels around the challenge circle. He had been defeated as well, and when Dean got a tracker on the case, the trail had led down to the lowest sphere as well. Castiel couldn’t come to the higher spheres because of his rank, so some investigative work Dean did alone, searching out any information while they waited for Charlie. Dean went back to Raziel, who said that he’d been looking, but so far had found nothing in his vast library. It did little to bolster Dean’s confidence, and did nothing to stop the cold part inside him that knew where this was going. His major form was stirring, and Dean didn’t like it.

Dean felt Charlie enter Heaven several Earth days after she had left. He wasted no time winging his way down to where he could feel her.

She was tired, and injured, but she had still managed to make her way back to Heaven. Dean fussed about her as she sprawled, exhausted, in the lowest sphere.

“Are you alright? What happened? Did you find anything?”

“I’m fine,” Charlie muttered. “Found a lot of stuff. Give me a second to heal.”

It was more than a second. Charlie’s wounds had been dealt by angel blades, and the proof of the betrayal of their own kind had Dean’s grace seething inside him, ready for retribution.

A rustle of wings, and Dean turned to find Castiel behind them. They’d exchanged a promise to bond, so there was already a gossamer of a link between them. Castiel must have felt him pass through his sphere.

Castiel walked over to Charlie and laid his hands on her. Her wounds began to close as he worked, and she let out a sigh of relief. That was Castiel’s power – the power to heal other angels. He didn’t need to use it very often, but he’d told Dean about it a few hundred years ago.

Charlie sat up, completely healed. She shook her head to clear away the pain, and stood up, her legs a bit shaky.

“What happened?” Dean pressed, needing to know.

Charlie sighed. “I followed the trail to a Gate of Hell.”

Dean hissed. “You didn’t go in, did you?”

Charlie looked at him sceptically. “I’m not that stupid. I figured that if I waited long enough, another angel would turn up and I could listen to what they said. Sure enough, some angel appears, knocks on the Gate. A demon opens it. Angel refuses to go in, they argue, couple of demons finally come out. And then…” She shivers. “A higher demon comes out. I didn’t risk getting too close, so I couldn’t really make out what they were saying. Just trying to convince the angel to switch sides, I think. Angel seemed reluctant to do whatever it was they wanted him to, but then the higher demon points at me and says ‘If you want to prove you’re serious, kill her.’ I got out of there fast, but the angel flew after me. We fought, I beat him and killed him, and headed back here.”

Dean chewed on the information, turning it over in his head. “Did you know the demon or angel?” Charlie shook her head. “Well, we know more than we did. I think I should go to some of the other Seraphim. They might be able to help, and keep it quiet if we only talk to the ones we know we can trust.”

Castiel stood up and turned, and Dean’s grace buzzed. There were two amulets hanging around his neck.

“Castiel!” Dean exclaimed, stepping over to look at the new one. When he paid attention to Castiel’s grace, he noticed that it had grown. He was a Principality now. “When did this happen?”

“Earlier,” Castiel said, shrugging it off. “It wasn’t that difficult. I know a lot of the Principalities, and I challenged one who I knew didn’t have any combat abilities.”

“You won’t find many without abilities within the Powers,” Dean warned.

“I know. I’ll scope out who I can challenge later.”

Charlie was looking between them both, trying to figure out what was going on. Dean waved a hand at her, and she subsided.

“Where are you stationed now?” Dean asked as they went up through the spheres. It was strange leaving Castiel in the Principality sphere rather than the Angel sphere.

“Here,” Castiel said, gesturing back towards where most of the Principalities were gathered. “I’m running messages between spheres since I know most of the archangels. I haven’t seen many Powers so far, though.”

“They don’t come down here often,” Dean said. Castiel hummed, thoughtful.

They left him there to continue with his tasks as they went up to talk to the Seraphim that Dean trusted. After making a few inquired backed up with Charlie’s testimony, he had the promises of several Seraphim that they would look into it.

Dean left Charlie with Sophia and tried to meditate for a while, letting himself be open to his Father’s influence. He didn’t feel anything, but he didn’t expect to. All that happened was that he worried about Castiel.

Castiel was a good fighter. A great one, even. But Dean knew that power grew exponentially between ranks, and the higher ranks had enormous power differences between them. And angels who had millennia of experience knew how to use their power, easily and intuitively. Castiel was just getting used to his new rank – if he challenged a Power, Dean wasn’t sure if he could win. The jump was bigger than others because he would be jumping a Hierarchy as well – going from the Lower Hierarchy to the Middle Hierarchy. As well as that, Powers were the heavy hitters, the frontline assault angels that were often the assault soldiers in battle. Almost every single Power had some sort of combat based ability.

Castiel knew that. Dean knew that Castiel knew that. But he was stubborn. Dean thought that instead of waiting and picking a target, he might jump the first Power he saw. If he was beaten, the Power had the right to take all of his amulets and demote him back to Angel rank.

Castiel was normally very put together, and he planned his attacks well in advance. Dean was just worried that this time, he might see an opportunity and take it, since Powers so rarely went to the Principalities’ sphere.

Worrying would do nothing.

Frustrated, he paced, thinking about the problem. Two angels – possibly more – had challenged for Archangel position. Demons were prompting angels to jump ranks based on disbelief. Charlie had tracked an angel to a Gate of Hell. Higher demons were involved. His Father had told him to stop it. Castiel wanted to jump ranks, and quickly.

If it were possible for him to get a headache, he’d have a massive one.

Sitting here wouldn’t do anything but stoke the fires inside his grace. His major form had been restless for the last few years, and keeping him back was starting to be a drain. Dean needed a big battle, fast.

Striding out, he took Sophia with him as he descended spheres, wanting to talk to some more Angels to see if there had been any more challenges.

Instead, he found Castiel in a challenge circle with a Power, both bleeding grace as they circled each other.

Dean resisted the urge to charge in and rip the circle apart, and then shake some sense into Castiel. Did he have a death wish? He’d only gotten promoted yesterday!

Dean stood at the edge of the circle, as still as a statue, while Castiel challenged for rank. He’d managed to pull together enough power to jump ranks, which Dean found impressive, but the Power he’d challenged was old. He looked like he’s had his amulet for hundreds of years. He wasn’t going down easy.

There was another Power standing at the edge of the circle, but she didn’t have an amulet – a natural Power, then. The rest of the angels were Principalities, most of which were looking quite shocked that Castiel had challenged again, so quickly.

Castiel darted in for some quick blade work, scoring another slice down the Power’s arm. The Power lunged forward in retaliation, and Castiel didn’t dodge quickly enough, getting slashed across a wing. The crowd hissed in sympathy as a few feathers fell.

Dean could tell that the fight had been going on for a while already. Both combatants looked tired, Castiel especially. Holding enough power to jump a rank for so long would have been difficult.

They clashed again, and Dean watched as sparks flew between their blades. The Power disarmed Castiel, flinging his sword across the circle, but not out of it. Castiel started edging that way as the Power demanded that he surrender.

Dean watched Castiel’s ploy tensely. If the Power moved before he was ready, Dean would have to step in. But if the Power waited too long, then Castiel could get his sword back.

Castiel raised his hands, as if submitting, but then dived across the circle, in the opposite direction to where Dean and the Power were expecting. They wrestled together for a few seconds, and then Castiel had the Power’s blade, held at his throat.

“Surrender,” Castiel said calmly. “I will kill you if you move.”

Stunned, the crowd watched as the Power grudgingly took his amulet off and gave it to Castiel. Castiel clipped it around his neck with a sigh of relief as he stopped holding that much power to him. Before them all, the Power dwindled, until he was just another Principality standing among many.

Dean let out the breath he’d been holding at the same moment Castiel finally spotted him.

The circle destroyed, angels began to cross it again. Castiel weaved between them, his new power carried as obviously as someone well aware of the target they possess.

“Dean,” Castiel said quietly.

“You’re an idiot, you know that right?” Dean said as he dragged them away from the crowd and cast a glamour over them both to divert prying eyes. Sophia was used to it, and stood casually, as if she liked guarding an empty space.

“I’m your idiot though,” Castiel said, grinning. He was still high off the fight.

“Heal yourself,” Dean told him gruffly. Castiel hummed quietly to himself, and as Dean watched his wounds closed up. “How’s your wing?”

Castiel shrugged it. The feathers there were still cut off – it would take time before they regrew.

“Not too much bother for a rank, hey?”

Dean resisted the urge to throttle him. “Are you crazy? Now every angel with a chip on their shoulder is going to be coming after you.”

“Let them,” Castiel said, seriously. “I’ll take them down, just like I did that Power. You know, he walked right in, requested me, said that I wouldn’t challenge him because I’d just been promoted, and looked shocked when I did. Serves him right.”

“And what would have happened if you’d lost?” Dean hissed.

Castiel straightened. “Then it would have been my problem. Didn’t you say that you had faith in me? That I could do it?”

It was a loaded question and they both knew it. “I did say that. And I meant it. But I’d feel a lot better if you didn’t throw yourself at the first ranked angel you see!”

“That’s probably the last time I’m going to do that,” Castiel said. “I think I need a bit of time to adjust. Besides, every Virtue out there will be avoiding me now.”

Dean sighed. “Well, go and find your new station. And don’t cause any more trouble! I’m going to go and poke around in the Angelic sphere and find out if there’s been any more challenges.”

Dean watched as Castiel stepped out of his glamour and was bombarded with questions from the angels around him. To his credit, Castiel didn’t gloat, instead heading up to the Power sphere to receive his new designation.

“That angel is going to give my grace a leak,” Dean muttered to Sophia.

“Not before you give me one,” she said mournfully.

There was nothing happening when the first touched down in Castiel’s old sphere. Dean wandered aimlessly, not really expecting to find another challenge. He was here more for something to do than anything. While the Seraphim looked for information, he was stuck in a rut of feeling useless because he wasn’t doing anything.

Sophia twitched, and a second later Dean felt it as well – the balloon of power that meant an angel had just jumped ranks.

They flew towards it in time to find a challenge circle. Dean was getting tired of them. Inside, two Archangels fought, one of which exuded a chilling power.

“One of them is who we want,” Dean said, eyes focused on the angel. “I could break the circle and just take off with him.”

“You can’t break a challenge circle,” Sophia warned. Dean thought that he could. Just because other angels couldn’t do it didn’t meant that he wouldn’t be able to.

“We need the information,” Dean said. “I’m going to do it.”

Sophia didn’t say anything, but he could feel her disapproval. Dean waited until the angels around them had left, disturbed by the strange power within the circle, before he struck.

A challenge circle wasn’t a small magic. Within it angelic ranks were decided. Dean had never tried to break one before. As he hit the side of it, he wondered if this had been a mistake – the barrier was solid. Snarling, he cast off his cowl and pushed all of his power against it, shattering it. The two angels inside froze in surprise.

“Explain it!” Dean yelled to Sophia. Then he grabbed the rouge angel and started going up spheres, until they were in Dean’s home sphere. Here, the Angel was small, so small that Dean could crush him easily. Dean picked him up and strode towards Raziel’s wards, not knocking. The Angel was already feeling the strain from being in such a high sphere, and taking him through Raziel’s wards stripped him of the last of his power. He hung dazed from Dean’s hand.

Dean dumped him opposite Raziel. He was sitting in his normal chair, a book hanging from his hand.

“This is one of the wrong angels,” Dean said. “I was thinking we could ask him some questions together.”

“Intriguing.” Raziel leaned forward, his book forgotten. “I’ve been looking into the problem at hand, and while I haven’t found anything specific besides the verse I showed you, I did find an interesting discussion on the theory that angels could be powered by more than one type of faith. Raphael shut it down before it was more than an idea, though.”

Dean and Raphael rarely saw things the same way, but in this instance Dean was glad that he’d acted the way that he had. “Did it have anything new in there?”

“Nothing else besides what we’d talked about. But it did confirm that others had had the same thoughts as us.”

The Angel was staring at them both defiantly, even if he did look like he was about to be sick. In this sphere, Dean and Raziel both appeared in their true forms, and the Angel didn’t look like he was able to handle it.

“So.” Dean grinned, and it wasn’t something nice. “Who talked you into this?”

 

* * *

 

Dean paced outside while Raziel gathered the specifics of the information that the Angel had given them.

His name was Baiel. He’d been an Angel rank since the Beginning, and had never managed to win a rank fight. He’d been bitter, and one day while in the lowest sphere, had heard a voice telling him to come down to Earth. The voice had promised him a guaranteed win in a rank fight, so he’d gone, curious.

A demon had met him. At first he’d tried to fight, but they’d overpowered him. Hadn’t killed him though. Just said that they wanted to show him something.

Baiel refused to say what they’d shown him, but it must have shaken him, right down to his grace, because he’d become a willing spy for Hell. He’d fed the demons information, and had challenged when he’s said, promising more power if he succeeded.

Dean was tired.

The demons obviously wanted a spy higher than the Angel rank, but no one that highly ranked was willing to even hear them in the first place. They were content with their place.

Dean could feel a familiar rage building inside his grace, and while he tried to temper it, there was nothing he could do. It was more powerful than he was, and it would have to be satiated sooner rather than later.

Raziel joined him outside the library. “He told me that there was going to be a gathering. Something to convince a lot of angels to join the cause, no matter what rank they are. We have to stop it.”

“I’ll stop it.” The voice that came out of Dean’s mouth was nearly not his. Raziel looked at him levelly.

Dean stood, still, while Sophia and Raziel called on different angels to clear the path. They wouldn’t be necessary in the end. Dean was a weapon, and right now he was primed to do maximum damage.

He almost slipped into stasis while waiting, he was so focused on remaining calm, but Charlie tapped his arm just in time to stop him from drifting off.

“It’s time,” she said. He nodded once. He had no idea how long had passed. It was a familiar feeling, but now Dean had someone else to worry about. He wondered if Castiel had challenged anyone else in the time that he’d been almost asleep.

Dean followed Raziel’s familiar spark down to the lowest sphere and then down to Earth, not bothering to hide his true form – the humans could think he was a comet if they wished. He tampered down his power when Raziel did, still not able to think too clearly, but trusting him.

The Gate of Hell was open when they arrived. There was a large amount of demons already there, and as they watched, more walked out of the Gate. Dean didn’t know what they had planned, but he didn’t want to find out.

And from the mouth of the Hell Gate, a familiar form. Dean’s grace twisted, and twisted, and he realised he was screaming.

Lucifer grinned at him, and the Gate slammed shut.

It was too much. Seeing Lucifer _(Sam),_ and having all that ever present hurt, ever present pain, rise to the surface… Dean was only a diminutive. There was only so much he could deal with.

Dean folded to the fury and the agony inside him, and –

 

 

 

– _then Michael burst out, fierce, sword in hand, ready to fight. He roared, screaming, rage and pain and_ anguish, _all building to one unstoppable force. The demons ran from him, but he chased them down relentlessly, across oceans and skies, screaming, needing something to take to pain away._

_Michael’s solution hadn’t always been violence. But it was the only one he knew now._

_So he fought and destroyed, always trying to block it out. The betrayal. The light of his life, the Morning Star, his most precious brother, twin to him in grace, had abandoned him, leaving Heaven after challenging their Father. How could he have thought to win? Their Father is GOD, Almighty and his Wrath as unstoppable as the explosion of a star, as certain as time, more powerful than a thousand Sole angels combined._

_He thought he could challenge Father! How dare he force Michael to pick between them! And their diminutive forms had been almost as broken as their major forms because of the betrayal, and Dean and Sam regretted the actions of Michael and Lucifer almost as much as the angels themselves._

_So Michael fought, and his wrath knew no bounds, but as he fought, tears stained him, as he grieved for what he had lost, and what his brother had destroyed._

_And the demons were gone but Michael wasn’t done, so he vented his anger on the Earth, until the ground shook and the oceans heaved. And then, and only then, did Michael acknowledge the presence that had followed him the entire time._

_He looked up, and saw the Power standing there. Silent, unwilling to attract Michael’s attention – as if he hadn’t had it the whole time. The Power held out his arms, but Michael stubbornly stayed still._

_“Dean,” the Power said. Michael felt a flash of annoyance. He wasn’t Dean at the moment. But the part of him that was Dean was begging, pleading, just to save the Power in front of them._

_Michael sighed. He was tired, and more than tired, and he didn’t want to deal with the knowledge that his brother was gone, that he had betrayed him in the most spectacular fashion possible. All his fury was gone, and there was only the everlasting pain now, threatening to rip him apart if he dwelled on it. It was too much for Michael to think about, let alone experience, moment after moment, confusion and sorrow and rage combined in a destructive cocktail. He didn’t want to exist with it anymore._

_Michael looked up at the Power and –_

 

 

 

– Dean gasped.

Seeing things through Michael’s eyes never ceased to scare him. The relentless way he’d chased after the demons had been daunting. The force of his wrath on the Earth had been frightening. The almost complete disregard Michael’d had for Castiel was terrifying.

“What are you doing here?” Dean managed to wheeze, sucking in air like he actually needed it.

“I followed you.” Castiel didn’t hesitate to come forward and help him stand. There was no doubt in his eyes as to who he was dealing with. None of the other Sole angels spent as much time in their diminutive form as Dean did, but Raziel had once described being near the process to feel like ‘an ocean had just been poured into a bucket. Every second, you’re certain the bucket’s about to break.’

Dean was stronger than any bucket. But even he needed a break after being Michael.

 

* * *

 

Dean let himself float up out of stasis slowly.

He ached in a way that let him know that Michael had pushed his grace to the extreme. He felt heavy.

There wasn’t anyone in the room with him. Gradually, he realised that he was in his meditation room. There was no one there because there wasn’t meant to be anyone there.

He made his way outside slowly, where Charlie and Sophia were guarding his door. Both of them fussed over him, but he said he was okay, and that he wanted an update.

“Well, there hasn’t been any more angels challenging with weird power,” Sophia said. “I’ve checked every challenge since you went under.”

“There hasn’t been a peep from Hell. Not even more demon activity on Earth, although I’m pretty sure that’s because you nuked all the demons on Earth,” Charlie said.

“Not all of them,” Dean protested weakly. He had no idea what Michael had done. He would remember it all eventually, but his major form left him fuzzy for while after it had actually happened.

“Yes, all of them,” Sophia corrected him gently. “I’m sure more have come from Hell already, but those who were already on Earth are no more. Michael saw to that.”

“Castiel jumped another rank,” Charlie informed him. Dean groaned.

“What happened?”

“He managed to corner a Virtue somewhere after you went into stasis. Fought her and won. You’ve got yourself a spitfire, that’s for sure.”

“I’ll go see him soon,” Dean said, more to himself than to them. “I need to rest for a little longer. You two stay here.”

They waited as he went back inside, and he settled himself down where he normally tried to talk to his Father. He didn’t even try today though, just reflecting on what had happened.

“You’re right. It won’t end until the End.”

Dean bowed his head as his Father walked around him, examining the murals on the walls. “Lucifer was behind this, yes. But you’ve removed the threat to Heaven, for now. Perhaps in time it will arrive again, but you destroyed all the demons with the knowledge of how to reach and corrupt the angels. Lucifer’s interests will still continue on Earth, but they are not here any longer, as it should be.”

Dean sighed. Balance. In the end, it was all about balance.

“You knew who was behind it, didn’t you?” Even now, he couldn’t say his brother’s name.

“I did.” His Father’s voice was kind. “You must let go of the past. It eats away at you. I can see it.”

“I don’t know how to,” Dean said, voice raw. “Every day, I wish I could forget.”

“Not forget. Acknowledge, and let go. It happened, yes. How you react to it depends on you.”

When Dean turned, his Father was gone.

He shook his head, and went to find Castiel before he found a Dominion to challenge.

 

* * *

 

The following months were calm. The battle and the strange angels just before were a blip on the normal radar of Heaven’s activities. Dean’s world was once again meditation, keeping himself open to his Father if He wanted to contact him, and keeping Michael locked away, for the good of everyone.

And there was Castiel, of course. He had met a Dominion (and won), and he gave Dean’s grace a shock every time he saw him. Dean loved him with every scrap of his being, and Castiel loved him just as much, even though he knew that Dean was only a part of something else. Dean thought that Michael might be fond of Castiel as well. It was only a feeling, though – he wasn’t sure. Michael was too wrapped up in his own pain to think about much else.

Dean was wrapped up in it too, most of the time, but for a different reason. The End was coming. He could feel it in his grace. He’d never been more certain of anything in his life. But it wasn’t here yet, so Dean was determined to enjoy the time he had with Castiel, as well as Charlie and Sophia. He spent a lot more time out of his meditation room now, but Sophia only tracked him down half the time. The other half, Dean was content to spend with his future bond mate.

They were together, watching the Earth spin by while laying on their backs, when Dean realised that they wouldn’t find a solution to their problem. He cleared his throat and plucked up enough courage to finally say words he’d been half dreaming of since he’d met Castiel.

“Hey, Cas?”

Castiel slowly turned his head to look at Dean with wide eyes. “Yes?”

Dean swallowed. “Be my bond mate?”

Cas blinked, shocked. “I already said yes.”

“No. I mean, right now. Be my bond mate?”

Cas turned his whole body towards him, focused and serious. “Dean, we’re still not the same rank. I’m only a Dominion – I haven’t even reached the Supreme Hierarchy yet!”

“I know.” Dean sighed to himself. “I know. But we’re never going to be the same rank – the closest you can get is to be one of the Seraphim, and I have no doubt that you’ll get there sooner rather than later. We can work the rest out later. But I want to be with you now. Please.” The End was only getting closer. And Dean wanted to spend as much time as he could with Cas.

Cas looked at him seriously, for a long time. Dean didn’t rush him.

“Alright.”

Dean bolted upright. “Really?”

“Yes, really.” Cas smiled. “I want to be with you, as well. You could have asked earlier, you know.”

Dean shrugged a wing. “It felt right, now.”

Slowly, they looked at each other, then away, shy now that they could be together. Dean reached across and pulled Cas to him, and cradled him in his wings.

Cas looked up at him, and then reached out with his grace. Dean’s breath stuttered as they brushed up against each other for the first time, and slowly he leaned down to kiss Cas.

In that, he finally understood why most angels didn’t bond outside their ranks. Cas’s grace had exponentially expanded since they had first met, but it was still a puddle to Dean’s ocean. Gently, gently, he led them both through the weaving of the bond, knowing if he was less skilled then he could have easily destroyed both of them.  

And then it was done, and they lay, graces twined and fully pressed against each other, and Dean didn’t know if he’d ever been happier.

**Author's Note:**

> anyway.... can you believe I wrote this all in one day
> 
> You might also like [this fic](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1190583/chapters/2429136) as it fulfils a few of your other requests that aren't covered here. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed!


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